Sunday, November 21, 2010


It is almost Thanksgiving. My entire sense of perception has been off this year, so I am surprised that it is Turkey Time again. I have to say that this has never been my favorite holiday. Oh, I do love to eat---but I have never cooked a Thanksgiving dinner, or hosted one at my house. And I don't really like to decorate with turkeys, so Thanksgiving has just been part of a slow slide into Christmas. I've always had very definite rules that we didn't start to shop or decorate or listen to Christmas music until after this holiday is over. Usually we go to my oldest daughter's house in Kansas City, but since we will be working on Friday we will stay in town and have dinner with our son and family.
I like this card, which I found at Vintage Holiday Crafts. I am working very hard on being grateful for all the good things in our life. This is difficult, because this was the worst year ever.
We finally got the autopsy report back last week. My thirty year old son died from heart disease. He went to sleep one night and never woke up. Our family is still having a very difficult time. We never suspected and I'm sure he didn't know that his heart was bad either. I worry that it could have been prevented, but I have to believe that when it is time...............  I know it will get easier, but it will never be back to normal. And I will never be fine.
There have been things that have helped. Reading and writing on Facebook has actually been very helpful. I hardly even checked my account until recently. It helps to be in touch with his friends. And I have found a very good book. It was written by Brooke Noel and is called "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye". I have been trying to read other things too, but my attention span isn't great lately.
I have started thinking about Christmas. Having the young children around will make things better. Finn and Tess will each decorate their own little tree at our house this year, so that will be fun.