Daily Joys and An Anniversary

 

Daily Joys and An Anniversary

As I was idly looking through past blog posts, I started reading them all. When I got back to the beginning I realized that this is my anniversary month. I started my blog in June, 2005. It was first called "The Victorian Gypsy". Twenty years ago!!! Sometimes I feel that maybe I am still writing about the same things. And then I realize that of course I am, because these are the words of my life. I've talked about things I like to do, things I like to see, things I like to make, people I have loved, houses where I've lived, and moments that broke my heart.

I keep coming back to the same stories, hopefully with a new twist. I am always looking for ways to be more organized. I always like to decorate my house with items that have a history or are handmade. I only like recipes that are quick and easy. I still procrastinate. I enjoy traveling and reliving my trips through photos. I also like to make lists, and keep notes that don't always make sense when I read them later.

There were lots of times when I didn't write. I had moments of deep grief when it was all I could do to keep going through the fog. I can see those times in the blank spaces, but I didn't want to write about them here. I need to write, but I didn't always want to share.

Before I started blogging, I had a group on Yahoo called "Living With Intention" or "IntentionalWoman". It never had a big following, but I had big plans. This was during a much busier time in my life, when I expected every day to have a happy ending. It looks like my head was full of the same stories as now! Here are a few excerpts from those writings. They were many years ago but are still relevant:

"I am concentrating right now on decluttering--my life and my head. I read that it is very important to list your complaints and clear out what you don't want. This helps us to see the things that we do want. Then list the five things that are most important to you. Make these your daily joys and try to do something every day that relates to these five.

Are you making time for these five things? I discovered that I am consistently putting the most important items at the bottom of my list--just because I think I will have time to do them eventually"

"Think of all the years passed by in which you said to yourself "I'll do it tomorrow," And how the gods have again and again granted you periods of grace of which you have not availed yourself.                                  It is time to realize that you are a member of the Universe, that you are born of Nature itself, and to know that a limit has been set to your time. Use every moment wisely, to perceive your inner refulgence, or 'twill be gone and nevermore within  your reach."          --Marcus Aurelius (Roman Emperor 161-180AD)

Perhaps this quote from his Meditations sounds a bit dark, but that is not my purpose. There seem to be a lot of books and articles lately about slowing down, taking time for your life and doing the things that really matter. After years of thinking that maybe there is something wrong with us if we can't do it all, and that we should feel guilty when we take time for ourselves, suddenly it is okay to examine our lives and concentrate on the things and people that really matter. This is good. But, it is hard to do. Some days our lives are just a series of loose ends and minor annoyances, and no matter what we do, we haven't made a difference. That's why I am trying to remind myself of my own Daily Joys--they make me glad that I am here today and that I am heading in the right direction. As a culture, we don't like to believe that our time on earth is limited, even though we are conditioned to think that we never have enough time and that we are always rushed and overscheduled. Being busy and overworked and overwhelmed makes people feel validated. We think that we are the only ones who can do our work correctly. And that is not good.

How many of us are living for tomorrow? As I look around my home and office, I see so many projects, some unstarted, many unfinished. How much time do I really think I will have to do all those wonderful crafts and quilts, collages, and dolls? When will I write the best seller that surely lives within me somewhere? Sometimes it is so hard to be realistic about the way to spend time, because the process can be as involving as the project. When I am living for tomorrow I just keep starting new things, without the joy of completion, because I am counting on having those "periods of grace"

Weekly on Wednesday

 

Bye, Bye, Birdies

Many years ago when I was much younger, my husband and I were looking at houses to buy. When checking out the kitchen, I opened a cupboard door. The inside was covered with pictures of birds, articles about birds, and information about feeders and seeds. We looked at one another, and laughed a little, because, obviously, this was a house that belonged to old people. Much older than us.

But now, I have noticed that I am very partial to birds. How does this happen? Is it a rite of passage to the world of Elderly? I think it must be. I notice that I am not alone. 

I enjoy a lot of British television, and I have noticed that birdwatching is often included in the plots. I did a little research and discovered there are three distinct varieties of people involved. They are the Birdwatchers, the Birders, and the Twitchers. 

The birdwatchers enjoy seeing birds in their natural habitat. They might like to take a little stroll and look for birds. Maybe they will take their cameras and binoculars, but basically they just want to enjoy the sights.

The birders want to take a little more time and equipment. They are ready to record every little detail, and maybe even report their findings to somewhere official.

And finally the twitchers. For these super explorers, it won't get much more serious. It sounds like they are on high alert most of the time, just waiting to find the best and most unusual of the species, and willing to travel miles to observe them. 

Of course, in my favorite British mysteries, someone is often likely to be murdered along the way!

In addition to the real thing, I notice lots of little birdies in my decorating style. When I look around my house, I see this:

I guess I started collecting pictures of birds without even knowing that it was happening

How could I resist this sweet little family?

I love these dishes. Unfortunately, I only have one lonely little saucer.

This charming little hat needed a bird. Many were endangered during the nineteenth century, when they became popular for millinery. The Audubon Society helped to protect them

More pictures!

Birdies hiding about the house.

There are many more, but I think I have proved my point.

Before we moved, we had two birdfeeders outside the kitchen window, and really enjoyed seeing our visitors. We left them for the new owners because our neighbor has countless feeders in his yard, so we get to watch them.

As with most items I keep, there are many legends about birds, and many stories about the things they mean. Goldfinches are bright and shiny messengers of good luck and optimism. Robins bring hope and synchronicity. Seeing a wren tells you that all is well and that your creativity is blooming. Sparrows signify love. Bluebirds are my favorite. They are associated with love, happiness, and harmony. They symbolize life and beauty. Cardinals often remind us that those we have lost are near.

Yesterday and Tomorrow

Mostly Empty Shelves Wherever I Shop

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I thought that if we all just stayed home for two or three weeks, then the world would go back to normal. Well, that didn't happen, did it? The world nearly stopped for several weeks, and many did stay home. Those were the rules, but not everyone is a rule follower. Our lives didn't change that much at first, because we don't go out a lot. I never dreamed that I would have to wait so long to see our children and grands. Since I didn't feel comfortable working at the funeral home, I decided to take time off, by choice. Because of that, I'm not eligible for unemployment. Luckily, that is part time, and not a necessary income.  And I practically stopped shopping. We ordered groceries online a few times, but decided that shopping for ourselves was better than having others shopping for us. I will probably never use all of the gallon of Crisco oil that was sent as a substitution. If I order online again, I will be sure to check the "Do Not Substitute" box! I ended up with some things I never ordered. We have been to Menard's a few times. I am pretty comfortable there because masks are required. Yesterday I finally went to the fabric store and Barnes and Noble. It was very disappointing. I should have waited a little longer. Everything has been rearranged and many shelves are half empty. I think a lot of magazines have suspended publication for a while. I used to like to wander around and browse and look at things and ponder life when I shopped. Now it has become a lesson in efficiency to finish quickly.

I see more anger all around. I am just about to give up on Facebook groups, since most of the ones I'm in are erupting daily in squabbles and nastiness. Administrators keep reminding members of the rules, and eliminating posts. Some have even closed down. Coincidence? I don't think so.

And now,  nearly all summer activities have been suspended, or postponed, or cancelled completely.  Since the Iowa State Fair has recently been cancelled, we will not have the three Brafford lemonade and hot dog stands in August this year. That will make a big difference to us and to the employees! It is both a relief and a disappointment. 

Some of our children have been able to work at home, so that has been fortunate. We have several in various aspects of the restaurant business, so that has not.  Two of my children have been exposed to Covid 19 at work and had to be tested. My daughter-in-law works in a hospital in contact with infected patients, and looks like she is dressed for battle everyday at her job.

And in the midst of all this, I don't mean to ignore the tension and riots that are happening every day in our city, and country, and world. I remember the marches and the powerful speeches from the 1960's. I thought the world would have changed for the better by now. 

Every morning for months I have listened to the news and waited for the numbers. I deeply believe this virus is a serious happening and that it is everyone's responsibility to treat it as such. As time goes on, I think that many have decided they are done with it and no longer believe in taking it seriously. We are moving on, and reopening places that will need to be closed again. This isn't over just because we want it to be.

No Name Cottage

My little workshop/getaway/sewing room/writer's studio/ creative place to dream and play/magical cottage is almost all put together now. There are only a few things left to do. Pictures still need to be hung. And there are a couple of shelves that I want to fill.
Here is the outside now. Geraniums are growing in the window boxes and herbs are in the wagon. We will paint the front door black to match the rest of the buildings. More landscaping will happen eventually. And as soon as I can commit to a name I will have a cottage sign above the door. John wants to name it "No More Cloudy Days" Cottage, but I think the name should be shorter. But that name means a lot to both of us, and was our wedding song. (Sung by the Eagles) When we first started seeing each other, we had both lived through a lot of storms and were happy to have sunshine in our lives. I am thinking Sunshine Cottage, or Sunrise, Sunlit or Sunlight. I'm just worried it sounds too much like a motel or nursing home! Unofficially, I think it will just be the cottage. But I want a sign!
                                                       

       Step inside and you will see everything at once because I have an open concept just like the decorating shows. Actually, it's because it measures 8 feet by 14 feet. Just inside the door is a small wooden chest with several drawers. One of the first things you will notice is all the fabric! I love this print, and don't think I could ever have too much of it. I hadn't planned to have the curtained alcoves, but they are perfect for storage. They hide and disguise several totes of fabric and craft supplies. (I have written before about my fascination with tension curtain rods. So many uses!)  The cupboard is an old computer desk and holds my sewing machine. Don't look too closely at the curtains. At this point they are only basted. I am still decorating with the stacked to the ceiling look.

Next is a comfy little chair located by the bookcases. Right now I spend a lot of time sitting here and admiring the room. There are a couple of antique suitcases next to the chair.

Here are some close up pictures of some of the treasures I am putting back on the shelves. I'm not done yet as I am still unpacking boxes that have spent a long time in storage. I can see an empty shelf, and I know that never happens. I will be moving things around for a while, but at least now I finally know what I want to keep and what isn't necessary anymore.

The desk was the only thing I didn't have previously. I found it a few days ago at an antique mall. It was just the right size, though not my usual style. I am drawn to the battered and chippy. This is much more elegant, but it works in my little cottage. I think it will be the perfect place for writing. I feel organized again. Well, maybe not organized, but on the way. In a few weeks, I am going to set up a booth at that mall, and finally work on letting go of extra things that I have been holding onto and keeping in storage for too long.  I am finally feeling more settled and it is a good feeling.

And More of the Same

A Short Walk Around the Neighborhood

We are still staying home, as is just about everyone these days. In a few days we will celebrate our first half year of marriage. (April 12). During this time I think we have spent more time together than most couples! Our first two months involved a lot of time in cars, and car dealerships, since ours decided not to behave on our honeymoon. We managed to have adventures anyway, although it was a bit of a stressful time. I spent a lot of moments determined to be cheerful, and I think I managed very well under the circumstances. John is very easy to get along with, but he is a man who loves routine. Sometimes I think my main routine is a lack of routine!

He Drives. I Stitch and Talk.

We are "a bit older" than most newlyweds, so we have more than seventy years of memories, recollections, and reminiscing to catch up on. We talk a lot. And as long as I stay away from the tv remote and politics, we get along very well. Just tonight we discovered that both of our fathers liked to eat fried corn meal mush. I don't think most people even remember that. I'm not sure if grocery stores even carry it anymore. Of course, it has been weeks since I have been in a grocery store. Or any store. We have been taking this stay at home thing very seriously.  We do take walks. John works outside when the weather is nice enough.  I have been putting things away, as so many of my possessions have been in storage for several years. Sometimes it feels like Christmas when I open boxes and rediscover items I had almost forgotten. And then I need to decide what to do with them in my new home. And to make things blend when so many different tastes are involved.

I also watch a lot English cozy murder mysteries. We just subscribed to one of the British channels, and I will happily confess to binge watching. I feel a little guilty not multi tasking, so I have been keeping busy with hand sewing. In January I purchased a block of the month kit, and for the first time ever I am caught up. I have been waiting for over a week for April's wool and it finally arrived today. They do look a little wonky here, so don't examine them closely. I think it will all go together well when it's done. I've never stitched a big project like this one before. And now I can watch charming  English mayhem without guilt.

                                                                             
                                                                             

February

January

March

 That is what we've been doing here. There is lots I didn't mention, such as the worry and the prayers. Our lives haven't changed much, but I know this is making major differences for many others. We miss seeing our children and grandchildren. It is difficult knowing that we can't be there to make this
staying at home easier for others. Stay safe everyone. And may this soon be over, and may we all remember and enjoy the things that make life precious.

Fun Times at Home

We are living in a different world than we expected, aren't we? Our state, Iowa, isn't under an official "shelter in place" order, but of course nearly every one is doing just that.  Even though we have been staying in for over a week, it seems like much longer. 

My last big outing was to the grocery store, with one quick trip to Menard's. I am starting to notice how often I usually leave the house. Normally I do go to work at least two or three times a week, but not now. I don't usually think of myself as a shopper, but do like to go to a bookstore, library, and craftshop more often than I realized. Those are my "happy places." I like to wander around and get inspired. I'm pretty sure I like these stores because the clerks, though friendly, are usually unlikely to chat. I am not much of a chatterer. That is actually helping me now. John and I are used to living a pretty quiet life, so all this isn't as big a change for us as for many. Luckily, we don't have to worry about a big change in income, since we are mostly retired. The biggest difference for us is that we are no longer going out to dinner several times a week. We received a lot of restaurant gift cards for our wedding five months ago, and have been using them quite steadily. I've made no secret of being a begin-again cook. I realize that I have had several years of snacking instead of cooking!  It still surprises me that my new husband likes to eat dinner every night. He is a very good sport about it all, and he really isn't a very adventurous diner. This is probably good for me, because I do not like long and complicated recipes. I have discovered that I don't like to spend more time with food prep than it takes to eat the finished dish. I do spend a lot of time looking at recipes, just because I enjoy it. I'm not sure if it means anything though. I also like to spend a lot of time reading diet books.

I need to show our new whirligig. It's a bi-plane, and was adorably rusty when we bought it. I am attracted to men who like to paint purposely rusted yard ornaments. Years ago, I came home from work one day and Jim had painted all my yard art glossy white. John painted this one red, white, and blue. We found a Snoopy on a shelf, who fits almost perfectly. (He did have to have surgery on one leg) He still needs a goggle and helmet to be a proper Red Baron, but I did knit him a red scarf. When the wind blows, the plane flies, the propeller twirls, and the scarf blows. It is pretty cute, even if it isn't what I would have thought to be my style.

The Luck of the Irish

Happy St Paddy's Day. This beautiful hand embossed picture was a wedding present from my daughter-in-law and oldest son. Thank you Jim and Kristan. It hangs by our front door, so I can see and read it every day.

" May your troubles be less

And your blessings be more.

And nothing but happiness

Come through your door"

One of those simple Irish verses that manage to say it all, isn't it?

          Tess and Finn---Younger Days

My Irish Girls
Erin, Meg, Bridget

This is going to be the strangest March 17th that any of us have lived through. And I certainly hope it is the most unusual one that we will ever have to remember. There won't be a lot of celebrating going on I think, because almost everything is closed. The Corona virus has become a chilling reality. None of us knows what to expect. I don't think that it really hit me until I went to the grocery store and saw that so many aisles were empty. They were completely out of all the meats that I planned to buy. There were almost no canned goods. Hardly any soups, or fruits or vegetables. And everyone knows that paper products and cleaning supplies can barely stay on the shelves. And the sad thing is that it isn't because of lack. This has been caused by fear and hoarding. No one needs to have too much of anything.

The past several years have turned me into a bit of a minimalist in the area of food supplies, because I didn't have a kitchen. As a fraternity House Mom, I had a chef for five years, and really did very little grocery shopping. Now I am learning to cook again, and to plan meals. But we have only shopped for what we needed. I haven't had a full pantry or freezer. And we go out to eat a lot of nights. Seriously, a lot. Many restaurants have already closed. There is a very good chance that everyone will need to be quarantined for weeks if this virus is going to be controlled. 

Green Eggs and Ham

Lately, I have been seriously trying to be healthier. I just started a series of Pilates classes, and have started to feel a difference. And now my gym is closed. I have been flirting with the Keto diet, or at least a low carb version of proteins and veggies. As of today that is no longer working for me. Sadly, crisis has turned me into a monster for chips and chocolate. Tomorrow is another day, and I will hopefully come to my senses again before it is too late.

           

        

 From Me and Mine, 

     To You and Yours.               May the Future Be Bright             And Even Be Better 

     Than All of the Past

 Happy St Patrick's Day

2019 Christmas Decorating

I remember my first married Christmas. I was nineteen, and Jim and I had just bought our first house. We had a big, live tree, with handmade decorations and tiny white lights. Many of them were made with salt dough and cookie cutters, and then painted. Patchwork styrofoam balls with modpodged fabric were popular then. I think I actually strung popcorn and cranberries for it too. We hardly had any furniture. I remember arranging tv trays in the corners to look like tables.
Obviously, times have changed. Over the years, I collected a lot of decorations. Most of them were still handmade or gifts from friends.I have always decorated for Christmas, but not with a lot of sparkle. I have never had a themed tree, or one with a color scheme different than traditional holiday hues. No life sized Santas or light up reindeers for me. I think the wildest I ever got was my Christmas village. It was actually made from several different villages, using only my favorite pieces. I've never wanted things to match too much.
 I put most of my decorations away a few years ago, and didn't open the boxes again for quite a while. I had a small tree for me, with paper decorations cut from antique books. I let the youngest grands decorate their own little trees. Most of the ornaments have been in storage, along with our original Christmas stockings. I didn't start listening to holiday music again until last year. But now, I am living through my own winter thaw. It is so good to be enjoying Christmas again.
It's been several years since I have lived in a real house. As a fraternity House Mom, I had one rule: it must not be breakable. It was a good rule.
 Now I am living a new life,and it's one I didn't count on happening for me. Especially at the age of seventy. I am in a house again, and decorating for a merry, happy Christmas. We are watching Christmas movies again. We are looking at the lights and drinking hot chocolate. We are discussing the merits of tiny white fairy lights versus big colorful bulbs. (The bulbs won). We even have bubble lights on our tree! (I hadn't seen them since my childhood!) I don't think I went overboard with the decorating, because, in truth, we are still putting things away, and trying to decide what goes where. And we are blending his and mine. Some of my favorites, some of his, and new ones that we have acquired together. Our styles don't always meld, but that is to be expected, since we each have each lived over 50 years with all our "stuff".  We have too much furniture, and are still trying to make it look like it belongs together. We will probably be "a work in progress" for the rest of our lives, but that's okay.

"John's Morning Routine" painted by his son
My favorite cupboard
Large Crochet Stocking

Santas and Trees and Subtle Lights

More Trees and Handmade Garlands
And Gifts From Friends

Portion of  John's SnowGlobe Collection

My Advent Lighthouse

Our Library

Another View of  "The Library"
More Bookcases Unseen

My Favorite, Favorite Bookcase
Finally Out of Storage

John and Sandi's First Tree Together
Ornaments from Clear Lake and Laramie
And Our Wedding Decorations

"Just Married"
The Beginning

Two Hearts Today

Two hearts on sticks. It says "I want to try Today".  This is a crafting project I made several years ago, and today it really seems appropriate. Because sometimes I feel like a woman with two hearts. Today would have been Jim's 70th birthday. He died a few days after turning 62, so now he has been gone for 8 years. It is still hard to believe. Some days it seems like I just became a widow. I vividly remember how  frightening and unfamiliar everything was. My life changed in so many ways, and I felt that everything had been taken away. And other days, now it seems like forever ago. I have learned to be alone. And I have learned to love again. I never, ever thought I would. I even had the word "Forever" tattooed on my wrist. And he was my forever. We married just after turning nineteen, and had almost 43 years together. I see him in our children and grandchildren. I will always grieve that they did not have more time with him, and that he wasn't here to be with them as they grew. I miss him very much and the life I thought we would continue together.

And yet, at the same time, I am so in love with John. (Old People Romance) I am looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together. The feelings are sometimes complicated, and confusing. We both understand that we can love two people. I miss Jim, but want to be with John. I am excited to change my life again and to share it with the man who is perfect for me now. Our wedding is in 111 days. The time is going quickly! Except for June. June is a month that I am always anxious to be done with. Father's Day, Jim's birthday, John's wife's death, and finally, Jim's death on the last day of this not so lovely month.

That has been my day today. Missing my Forever, but happy to begin again with my Always. My two hearts. But, no more tattoos. He'll just have to take my word for it.

Beginnings and Endings

Today is Graduation. I am sitting here all alone at the Frat House feeling strangely sad and weepy. This is actually the first class that I have been with since they were freshmen. And they are also my last group since I will be leaving college life in a couple of months.
My life has changed so much in the last several years. It has turned and twisted many ways that I never, ever expected it to go. I never would have dreamed that I would have lost a son, been widowed, worked in a funeral home, been a frat mom  (We call it House Director), and fallen in love. Obviously, things have been getting a lot better lately!
This white board in the kitchenette is where I leave messages. Sometimes they read them. Sometimes, not. I always tell them I am going to write a book about life here. I don't know if they will believe it or not, but it just may hang over their heads if they ever run for office.
They are all exceptional young men and it has been a privilege to watch them grow and mature and move into the real world.
I remember that my first year I was constantly shocked, amazed, surprised or disgusted by something I saw or heard. Now, there is very little that ever surprises me. Sometimes, I still find them disgusting, but in a completely likeable way.  (Does that even make sense? Only if you live with 28 boys!) I have grown by this experience even more than they have.
So I just want to say Congratulations to the Class of 2019, and to those of you that will still be here after I leave. It has been a privilege and an adventure to be your invisible voice of reason,  your calming influence, and your House Mom.

Shopping Adventures

 I am not sure if I hate to shop, or if I just hate the idea of shopping, but it is something I do as seldom as possible. I wait, and wait, until it is absolutely necessary, and then I buy whatever I see. I prepare, I make a list. I know what I need.  I resolve to come home with the perfect much-needed travel worthy coat. Instead I end up with a poncho in the same color I already have, and a very expensive nail treatment for my damaged fingernails. (Yes, I smiled a friendly greeting at the pretty young woman in the kiosk, and before I knew what I was doing............) And, if I trouble to try it on, and it fits, suddenly it is mine. I like to look at things, and I like to do it quietly. If I were prone to panic attacks, I would have one every time I go into a mall. The fact that salespeople always want to help me makes me want to palpitate. There are many reasons for my reluctance to shop, and nearly all of them began a few years ago.  My happy, cozy, comfortable life changed drastically, and crowds and happy people, especially during the holidays, made every little memory and emotion a thousand times worse.  Because of this, I mostly shop online, even now. And in bookstores. One of my happiest moments ever was probably when someone thought of putting a coffee shop into a bookstore. Traditionally, no one asked to help you in a bookstore, but I am afraid that is changing. I have started to spend more time in libraries, but it isn't the same. No coffee, and often there is a wait list for favorites. People don't talk to me though, and I like that. And there isn't any danger of buying the wrinkle cream that I will probably never use anyway.

 I don't dislike people, and I really do consider myself to be friendly. I just don't seem to be a social shopper. As soon as I make eye contact with a sales person, I buy. Maybe, because I want to leave, or I want to be-lieve every thing they tell me!
I usually shop alone. When I go with a group, I am never the one who finds the bargain, or the perfect treasure. I know women who have a great talent for that, and I do respect them for it. In fact, I will soon be spending two weeks with two of the best shoppers I know. (And dearest friends)  I am hoping that some of their expertise settles on my shoulders. And that I am wise enough to remember that having an extra suitcase costs one hundred dollars in baggage fees.

Christmas Shopping in England. This may just make shopping fun again