Sunday, December 12, 2010

A Sort of Holly Jolly Christmas

Decorating is going up in bits and pieces this year. Finn and Tess came over to help with the tree. As you can see, their idea is very definitely quantity over quality. We have lots of bare spots and lots of places very heavy with holiday. That says a lot about the way I feel, I suppose. This year there are just things I cannot do. I have to make substitutions. Some boxes I'm just not able to open.
We were gifted by an "angel" from Amanda the Panda. This is a local organization that has been active for 30 years helping families to get through the grieving process. They put together a box of little gifts for us to open each day until Christmas. An amaryllis plant, a cookbook, chocolates, just a variety of things to brighten our day and let us know that people are thinking of us. I am very impressed with them and plan to volunteer in some way  in the future. As I've said before, my life has changed forever, and this grief will be part of who I am now. I can still laugh, and enjoy life, and I am looking forward to the time when I don't dissolve into sobs several times a day, but I know this underlying sadness will never go away. And I really think that perhaps I can help other people who have to go through this.
Every post I try to start out positively, and really don't want this to be depressing, but holidays are very difficult. Thank you  for reading. Next time, a happy post. Really!