Anniversaries

Today is my 50th wedding anniversary. At least it would be if there were still two of us here. Jim has been gone for seven years now, and my life has changed at least 77 ways in those years! A golden anniversary is a pretty big thing, even if only one of us is can acknowledge it. I tend to mope around a lot, play sad music, and just be generally depressed and totally miserable on all our holidays. Tonight, I will even be working at Hamilton's, which, by the way, is the last place I saw him. I know, bad choice. I really wasn't looking at my calendar when I said yes to that one. Even though it sounds strange, working at the funeral home has been very healing for me over the past few years. I just don't like to be there on my own significant days. Oh well, as my mother-in-law used to say: "Offer it up". See what I mean, I dwell in the past on days like today.
But, this year everything feels better. I've mentioned here before that I am seeing someone. I really thought that I could never care for anyone else, and it surprises me all the time that I do. And, sometimes, I feel guilty and that I shouldn't expect to have any happiness again. Yet, I feel so lucky every day to  have found such a nice man, and that he cares about me, and that we enjoy being together. Thank you, John, for coming into my life.
And, so, along with the sad songs, and the memories, I am listening to new songs. And I am enjoying making new memories. And feeling alive. And looking forward to the future. Happy Anniversary to me.

"The broken will always be able to love harder than most. Once you have been in the dark, you appreciate everything that shines."                Zachry K. Douglas