In Victorian times, the official period of mourning lasted between two and three years. First mourning was for a year and a day. During that time a proper widow was expected to only see close friends and family and have very limited social contacts. Clothing was limited to black, usually crepe and non shiny fabrics. Everything was expected to be very plain, with no shine. When a widow did go out, she often wore a veiled bonnet, and could keep her face covered, so people wouldn't see her grief. The dyes used to treat the veiling was very irritating, so probably caused even more tears, and headaches, and feelings of faintness. I have read that cuffs on sleeves were often very wide and called "weepers', serving extra duty as handkerchiefs for weepy eyes.
Second mourning lasted for nine months. Still black, but a little more decoration was involved. A little bit of trim, a little bit of shine was considered to be proper. More jewelry was allowed, but mourning pieces were expected to be worn. A widow could be more active and no longer wore the veil.
And finally half mourning, when colors were allowed, particularly lavenders and greys.
I am ready for a little bit of shine. But, in my heart, this victorian gypsy will probably always be in First Mourning. I love you, Jim. Forever.
Sandi, I have no words for you. Just tears. In my eyes and in my heart. Love to you, my very dear friend.
ReplyDeleteSandi, I just posted as LOVIE on your Widowed Village status/blog post. I almost wrote a blog on Widowed Village about the mourning customs of Victorian widows. Sometimes I think that I could have handled the sheer isolation without any expectations for that first year! I usually handle my grief better when I am alone...no distractions and well-meaning, but inappropriate comments from others. I have been widowed for three years and never ever thought that I could look forward to enjoying and participating in "life" again. But somwhere toward the end of Year 2, I felt joy and hope seeping back into my life and it felt really good. I hope that you will move forward this year to a happier place and the light will come back to your life. I look forward to reading your past blog posts and future ones, too. My best to you...take care!
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