Forecasting A Happy New Year

Don't you love this post card? Wishing good fortune is always a part of New Year Festivities. I know I'm a day late. Not the best way to start a new year, but I have been busy. I'm still undecorating the house. It seems to be hitting me harder than the original decorating. I pack a few ornaments, cry a little, pack a few more, take a break. Hopefully, I'll finish the tree tonight or first thing in the morning, and then tomorrow it will go back out to the garage. When we had a live tree, it always let me know when it was time to banish it from the house. Droopy, prickly branches were obvious. But, now, the artificial trees look as good after Christmas as they did before.

I enjoy that empty space when the tree is gone. I didn't really make resolutions this year, but I am doing a lot of space clearing. For a person who hardly ever shops, I tend to accumulate things at an alarming rate. I am trying to eliminate the things that I don't absolutely love. As William Morris, the Victorian designer and artist, said, "Have nothing in your house that you don't know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." I look around and I just have way too much stuff. So, no resolutions, but a definite determination to clean up, clear out, and have some sort of control. That's how my life is now. William Morris also said, "The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life."
Nothing matters, yet everything matters. I'm not sure if someone else said that first, but it explains so much about the way I feel.

A Blank Slate

Here it is. 2011. And not a minute too soon. A New Year. A Blank Slate. We never know what any year will bring, it's true, but I am wishing you, and me, and everyone in the world the best of everything.

Eight isn't Enough

I finally got everyone together and to sit reasonably still for a moment. So ta-da! Finally, all eight in one picture. Of course, some aren't smiling, some aren't looking at the camera, and some wouldn't take off their hats, but they are all right here wishing us all a very merry Christmas.

Paper Stories

Yesterday we had our annual Christmas craft nite. I've talked about our group before. We have been meeting once a month for over 30 years. Dinner, lots of laughter, and an easy craft. We have several very talented women in our small group, so there are always wonderful projects. At Christmas we don't craft but have a gift exchange. This is what I made. I love it and plan to make more. I am a book lover, hoarder, keeper, so it was very hard for me to tear a book apart. I bought this one especially to reconstruct. It was already missing a few pages, so that is my defense. This was a late nineteenth century (yummy thick and textured paper) novel called "The Old Mam'selle's Secret''.  And I have kept the cover for more projects.  More budget book projects coming right up.

A Sort of Holly Jolly Christmas

Decorating is going up in bits and pieces this year. Finn and Tess came over to help with the tree. As you can see, their idea is very definitely quantity over quality. We have lots of bare spots and lots of places very heavy with holiday. That says a lot about the way I feel, I suppose. This year there are just things I cannot do. I have to make substitutions. Some boxes I'm just not able to open.
We were gifted by an "angel" from Amanda the Panda. This is a local organization that has been active for 30 years helping families to get through the grieving process. They put together a box of little gifts for us to open each day until Christmas. An amaryllis plant, a cookbook, chocolates, just a variety of things to brighten our day and let us know that people are thinking of us. I am very impressed with them and plan to volunteer in some way  in the future. As I've said before, my life has changed forever, and this grief will be part of who I am now. I can still laugh, and enjoy life, and I am looking forward to the time when I don't dissolve into sobs several times a day, but I know this underlying sadness will never go away. And I really think that perhaps I can help other people who have to go through this.
Every post I try to start out positively, and really don't want this to be depressing, but holidays are very difficult. Thank you  for reading. Next time, a happy post. Really!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL

It is almost Thanksgiving. My entire sense of perception has been off this year, so I am surprised that it is Turkey Time again. I have to say that this has never been my favorite holiday. Oh, I do love to eat---but I have never cooked a Thanksgiving dinner, or hosted one at my house. And I don't really like to decorate with turkeys, so Thanksgiving has just been part of a slow slide into Christmas. I've always had very definite rules that we didn't start to shop or decorate or listen to Christmas music until after this holiday is over. Usually we go to my oldest daughter's house in Kansas City, but since we will be working on Friday we will stay in town and have dinner with our son and family.
I like this card, which I found at Vintage Holiday Crafts. I am working very hard on being grateful for all the good things in our life. This is difficult, because this was the worst year ever.
We finally got the autopsy report back last week. My thirty year old son died from heart disease. He went to sleep one night and never woke up. Our family is still having a very difficult time. We never suspected and I'm sure he didn't know that his heart was bad either. I worry that it could have been prevented, but I have to believe that when it is time...............  I know it will get easier, but it will never be back to normal. And I will never be fine.
There have been things that have helped. Reading and writing on Facebook has actually been very helpful. I hardly even checked my account until recently. It helps to be in touch with his friends. And I have found a very good book. It was written by Brooke Noel and is called "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye". I have been trying to read other things too, but my attention span isn't great lately.
I have started thinking about Christmas. Having the young children around will make things better. Finn and Tess will each decorate their own little tree at our house this year, so that will be fun.

Bounteous Beauties

I am finally posting about the goodies I received in the Artsy Mama Sweet and Sinister Swap. I was lucky enough to have two partners and they were both wonderful and extremely talented ladies. Above is a picture which I borrowed from my partner Karen's blog, Recycled Rita . (I did take pictures, but wasn't able to post them.) Lots of goodies, including the great eek banner, which I hung across my window. A vintage purse, which I loooove, and two flower pins. This Halloween plate and spreader will be used tomorrow at my daughter-in-law's party.There is a decorated can filled with yummy chocolates. A sparkled cardboad chandelier, lots of ephemera, and more that I am sure that I forgot.  Thank you Karen.

And next, my partner Natalie of One Hungry Hippie sent me these treasures early, but my posting got delayed. Lots of great items, including this clutch bag decorated with feathers, a black and white Paris scarf, a milk glass goblet, an ostrich feather pen, a giant patchwork pumpkin, a coffee cozy. chocolates, and more. I feel very spoiled by both of these lovely ladies, and lucky to have two new friends. Happy Halloween everybody. I'm afraid it sort of slid by me this year.

Journal for a Friend

Here we have a couple of pictures of a journal I made for a friend's birthday this summer. I do love to put these books together, and am still thinking of having a class.
  I am busy right now putting our lives back together. Grieving is an exhausting process. And for now, going to work everyday and then being with family is about all that I can manage. I have ventured out once or twice for social occasions, but there are still too many tears.


I had two talented and understanding partners for the "Sweet and Sinister" swap and hope to get their lovely items posted tomorrow. Halloween is usually a favorite holiday. This year it isn't quite as much fun.

 









Family

As you may probably guess, we have looked through lots of photos in the past week. This is a few years old but one of my favorites. Meghan, Bridget, Jim, Rich, and Erin. Jim is the oldest and Rich the youngest. They have always been very close, and are holding each other up now. As much as my husband and I  grieve for the loss of our child, they are heartbroken at the emptiness they feel for a brother and friend.
I have hundreds of other pictures, but promise not to post them all. I want this to be a happy, crafty blog, where visitors come for art and inspiration, and funny stories. This past year I seem to have taken a major detour. Thank you for being here for me. Please come again.

Heartfelt Thanks

"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives, and when he isn't around, he leaves an awful hole doesn't he?"  Clarence Oddbody, ASC  (Angel, 2nd Class)
If a funeral could ever said to be perfect, this one was. The eulogy, the songs....everything reinforced how we thought of his "Wonderful Life".  More people than we ever imagined, have come to tell us how they loved Rich, and how important he was to them. His funeral was standing room only, and hundreds came to his wake/birthday party. And each of them had a story to tell. We are empty, yet comforted. Thank you all

                                                              Richard Moran 1979-2010
I will never dance at your wedding. I will never hold your future babies in my arms. I love you, my youngest child, and cannot beleive that you are gone from us. I remember before you were born, when strangers would come up to me and wonder aloud why I would have so many children. (In the 1970's big families really weren't considered to be politically correct.) I love all my children, but you were special, because you were the baby.
So many memories are going through my head tonite.  The story times and tea parties we would have when every one else was in school. Pokie and Benjie. The long talks. Watching wrestling (???) on tv. We thought you had a charmed life when you were little. Almost falling out of the car when the door unexpectedly opened. Riding your bicycle into a moving car. Riding the toboggan down the Killer Hills. Having the corner cupboard fall on top of you. And, oh yes, the little accident with the police car. I remember how you skipped school to go to the library and the coffee shop. Of course, you grew up, even though I keep seeing pictures of you in my head as a little boy. And we have always been proud of you and your brother and your sisters. I think you might enjoy hearing how we miss you. And you'd want to be around for the grand old Irish wake we are probably going to have.
So many terrible things have happened this year. And I have never cried. Not once. Not even a little. And now I cannot stop. On Monday it will be your thirtyfirst birthday. And we will say goodbye. May the wind be always at your back.

Back to the Real World

Well, I am back from my little road trip and every single moment was fantastic. Here we all are at Mary's lakefront home, standing on the deck with Lake Minnetonka in the background. Her house has 4 levels, all looking at the lake and dock in her backyard. It was beautiful! We stayed on the top floor, and it looked like a  lodge. There were four beds, all built in, and surrounded by bookshelves. Our whole trip was like a fairy tale. The cottage  that you see here was a little garden shop called Gray Gardens.We feasted on fresh fruits and croissants in the mornings, while we admired the view, and then shopped, shopped, shopped all day. And we all love the thrill of junking, so we hunted for bargains and admired each others treasures. Things like old books and rusted grandpa lunch boxes, vintage luggage, needlework, wooden boxes, jewelry, and anything made from paper makes my heart beat faster, but I like to look at it all. Our trip ended with  a visit to a few clothing stores, and, finally, Anthropologie and Ikea. By the time we stopped at Ikea, we were ready to start the drive back home. Saturday afternoon on Labor Day Weekend was just a little too busy! Our car couldn't hold any more packages, so it was just as well that we were ready to head south to Iowa.

This is the book cover that I am in the process of creating for my journal in ArtsyMama's Sweet and Sinister blog and swap. It should be filled with goodies by Halloween. I am also taking an online class called Collage Coterie, so I am cheating a bit, and using this as my homework for both classes. I have to cheat a little, because I am already lessons behind. Everyone else in the class must be creating all day long. Projects abound in the Flickr group,
Well, I'm going to be gone for a few days. I'm leaving tomorrow for a road trip: of fun, junking, shopping, eating and boating around a lake. Four of us, on a girl's weekend to a lake home somewhere. Not even sure where I'm going or how to get there, but I am planning on having a wonderful time. See you all when I get back. I should have pictures.  Happy Labor Day Weekend. For once, I don't have to work, just play.

These Things I've Learned

1. Writing helps, but I don't want cute. Journaling the angry helpless moments is good. Scrapbooking this journey is something I can do without. The pink ribbon section in my scrapbook store stopped and stunned me. The last thing I want to see is a pink calendar counting off the days of radiation. 
2. And speaking of radiation, it is not like a very bad sunburn. It is like a very, very bad radiation burn.
3. Never start a new job that involves lots of lifting, and turning, and reaching, and bending, when you are enduring the effects of Rule No. 2. A new job during this time was probably a bad idea anyway, but I'm glad I wasn't afraid to try.
4. I'm not as confident as I used to be. I think that comes from the whole body betrayal thing.
5. Sometimes the most help comes when you least expect it. My immediate family and friends have been wonderful, but I knew thay would be, and I treasure them all the more for it. Other family members, not so much. And this was a sad surprise.  But people I hardly know, people I've met through the internet, strangers, yet friends, who have offered words of comfort, have been a tremendous support. The world is full of giving, caring people. And I am grateful. And I am going to take care to pass some of that along.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.

GypsyWoman

Here is the Gypsy that my friend created just for me. She is actually quite tame compared to the rest of Cindee's art dolls, but after all, she is a Victorian Gypsy!

Gypsy Vagabond Caravan

I know that I am late posting this birthday gift, but my camera has been doing baby duty the past several weeks. All the family cameras broke at once except mine, so I happily sacrificed it to the cause. Baby Cass changes every day, and his parents don't want to miss it.

And now, on to my very own GypsyWagon Birdhouse. I just love this. It was made especially for me by a dear friend who knows my quirkly obsession with all things Gypsy. The Gypsywoman on the front is wearing real earrings, and there are lots of bits and bobbles on it. Visit Cindee and see what a talented doll artist she is. Her work has appeared in several ArtDoll issues and other books and magazines. She also teaches at Joggles and at workshops all over the country. And yes, I do have a Gypsy doll that she made for me. I'll get a photo now that my camera is back, at least for a little while.

A Belated Birthday

Yes, I recently celebrated another year, and as the card says "May many birthdays yet be mine to know, and countless blessings future years bestow." That is certainly my Wish. In the past two months I've certainly spent more time thinking about my future than ever before. I know that although I am very happy with my life, and have many blessings, there is more that I want to do, and see, and have, and be. I think that being faced with the possibility of one's demise probably has that effect on a person!!! And there are things that I want less of . I promise myself that this year and every year coming up is going to be the best year of the rest of my life. Hoping you will join me as we live our adventures.

Special thanks to The GraphicsFairy for this postcard.

Life is Just a Bowl of Baby

Here he is--Cass Patrick. Brother of Finn and Tess, and the newest grandbaby in our family. I've been a little late getting this posted, with everything so crazy in my life right now, but he's a cutie and we sure are happy with him.

Things are still pretty hectic. I am halfway (I hope) through my radiation treatments, and right now I am starting to feel them. I slept for ten and a half hours last nite! The job is definitely getting easier, and I really enjoy working at a pediatrics office. The financial issues that have been haunting my last couple of years are finally being resolved, and my blood pressure was on it's way back to normal at the last check.

Oh, in case you are wondering why he's in a bowl.... My husband has been in the restaurant business most of his life, and this is one of the big mixing bowls he used.

A Few More Pictures

Not Exactly The Tour I Envisioned

Hi there,
Finally got my computer fixed, but now I can't seem to upload pictures. This is one corner of my basement workshop, alias studio. Hopefully more pictures will happen! I have a thing for cupboards and drawers. Unfortunately, I am not inspired to work unless everything is out where I can see it, so I do spend a lot of time looking through cupboards and drawers to see what I have forgotten. My studio space is one half of a long room. The other half has a small kitchenette area and the laundry. The only thing I would have changed was to have it all behind doors, so I could shut off projects in progress. My husband thought that this way would keep me from being so messy, ha ha.
My other two walls have a cupboard that we cut in half. It was originally about 15 feet long with about 120 drawers! It wouldn't fit into the space before, but after altering it and adding bookshelves to the cut ends, it is perfect! I also have a counter space for my sewing machine, and a large table in the middle of the room. And, yes, all the drawers are appropriately labeled!